Cheating, scandal, abuse, verbal fighting, dating and not having a clue if they like you or want to use you – would it be better if we just got along with each other, like actually got along, show respect, do not cheat, do not use, be honest and actually be kind to each other.
This week I have had 2 dates and watched my best friends heart break because of a break up.
Now I have only just stepped into the world of dating, granted I have enjoyed the company and getting to meet and know new people, however, the absolute confusion of what will happen next, words said and lack of boundaries has really puzzled me.
1st date with first guy, went well, we went for dinner, he bought me flowers and we enjoyed talking. However what really bugged me was if I said something he did not agree with I was made to be the bad guy and should not say this or do that. I thought, well this is not a guy I would want to see again, I do not understand who has the right to tell another person what to say and how to be. However I gave him the benefit of the doubt and agreed to a second date. At which point he wanted to know what ‘we’ were and he declared his undying love for me. Sorry guys, but its freaky! I said thank you, however I am just interested in getting to know each other first and see where it goes. Unhappy with my response he became creepy to be around so I ended the date and went on my way. I later told him that we are not right for each other and I hope he finds the right lady for him. This followed on with a barrage of calls from him, voicemails, text and whatsapp messages. One thing was totally obvious, he did not respect what I said or have any morals or boundaries. In the end I had to block his number, from which he called me from another number, left a voicemail to the tale of ‘I noticed you have blocked me on whatsapp, I was just wondering how you are and I want to see you again’. This made me more happy with my decision that we were not right for each other.
2nd guy and first date, went really well. It was 2 years in the making, we had communicated via FaceBook for 2 years after bumping into each other at a christening. During those 2 years he had asked me out a total of 6 times, for coffee, trip to movies and so forth. I said yes because, well, why not. However the dates never happened so in the end I stopped saying yes and just never replied until I told him how annoying it was. He asked me out again so I went and low and behold I hear nothing until he tells me he finds it hard to communicate via text. Frustrating would be an understatement as I scream at the screen ‘that’s how we have communicated for the last 2 years’ – I never replied to his last message.
Dating seems to be a minefield nowadays, confusion on where we stand, meeting some people who do not accept that you are not right for each other and the nasty ends the ending of a relationship can come to.
It would be easy to say everyone cheats since the Ashley Madison hack. I have known of guys who have tried to chat me and my friends up, when they have girlfriends and wives back home. I have been cheated on myself and its safe to say, its not a nice feeling.
However, it is important to remember NOT EVERYONE CHEATS.
What infuriates me about cheats is the lack of respect they are showing for the person waiting at home for them, the person who has spent their time with, their time they will never get back. It baffles me that people cheat. It has taken me years to come to terms with the fact that when someone cheats on you, do not blame yourself.
If someone wants to cheat, then be honest with your partner and respect them.
I see my friends cheat and think should I be a cheat as everyone seems to be doing it as part of a relationship, then I click back and realise that I am a loyal person, I respect my partner and the time we have. I am not a cheat.
In life with cheating I think you have two choices, end the relationship you are in if you want to cheat or stay with your partner and work at making your relationship work.
Granted to those who have an open relationship where you can date other people, fair play if you agree that prior, shows you have each other in mind and respect along with honesty.
Nasty things and good things.
This week I saw a news article about the couple who took a selfie divorce photo. Thought how refreshing that a couple are jointly, together, happy in their separation. Sad as divorce is, it was refreshing to see the respect for each other.
However other break-ups turn nasty, with heartbreak, confusion and no real closure.
The Huffington Post published an article about ex’s asking each other questions. What if we could all do this and give each other closure?
This week I watched one of my best friends heart break, her asking me questions on why they ended and me trying to be positive and telling her she has gained her freedom rather then being dumped. Her tears tell me she is hurt and what shocked me the most is her lack of interest in anyone else or ‘getting back on the wagon’. This is a girl that took dating in her stride, loves meeting new people, however her heart fell for a guy who manipulated her and drove her to the point of weakness. How could she let him do this to her? She loved him, she saw a future with him and after 2 years of being single, she was ready to give her heart to someone else. I sat there watching her cry, wishing I could take her pain away. However I sadly know too well of the pain she is feeling.
Why do we feel the need to manipulate others into our way of thinking? Tell people how to think, what to say. Tell people how you feel yes, but a person is who they are. Relationships, boyfriend and girlfriend, husband, wives, daughter and father, brother and sister, regardless of the relationship, there should be respect for each other. Focus on making memories rather then making each other sad.
Can we all not just get along?